The term ‘Geek’ scarcely scrapes the surface of Connor’s utterly nerdy personality. With a profound love for Zelda (which he favors himself to be an expert on), and an extensive collection of Marvel Comics action figures (which he has on display as true works of art), Connor is truly one who could rival most Trekkies in his displays of sheer geekery. Though mainly good-natured and passive in personality, Connor quickly becomes fanatical and over-reactive when defending one of his many nerdly passions. He is easily distracted by anything related to Zelda, and has a great trouble focusing when he knows action figures are nearby. Though he is criticized highly by Greg, Phil and Mattison, Connor remains proud of his geeky habits, and would never change for all the comics in the world.


Normally seen with his nose buried in a book (typically on the topic of human disembowelment), Greg is about as intellectual as they come. With a scathing wit and a penchant for causing bodily harm to those who annoy him most (which mainly describes anyone he has ever met), Greg tends to look down upon those he loosely terms his ‘friends’. While he gets along well enough with Connor and Phil, Greg absolutely loathes Mattison, and one day aspires to fill a coffin with his earthly remains. Greg is the group’s Dungeon Master for their weekly Dungeons and Dragons sessions, and has an aptitude for leading the party into unspeakable peril, to his great enjoyment.


There are many people who have never called Mattison an idiot, but, to be fair, they never met him. Mattison is a carefree, simple-minded soul, with a liking for soft fluffy things and afternoon naps. A self-proclaimed ladies’ man, his only goals in life are to get with as many girls as possible (though none have ever found him desirable when sober), and to one day eat twelve-hundred marshmallows in one sitting. Mattison almost compulsively makes a fool of himself in the presence of women, but still feels he is a modern-day Casanova, no matter how many times he is kicked in the face. Though Greg most obviously despises Mattison to his very core, Matt remains completely oblivious to this hatred, even when Greg uses excessive violence to communicate his views on Matt’s existence. Mattison regards his friends (including, for whatever reason, Greg) to be his most important resource, and only wishes to bring them closer together.


For Phil, who carries a sharpened katana around with him at all times, reality is not entirely a fixed construct. Known to literally commit seppuku when confronted with even the slightest possibility of shame or defeat, Phil is a firm believer in upholding his ancient honor. With strong sympathies toward all eastern practices and beliefs, it must be said that though Phil is not actually of Oriental descent, (but rather Romanian in heritage, with an allergy to sunlight) he has learned to fight like a samurai of ancient times…or in his own mind he has, anyway. Connor and Greg have often speculated that Phil’s warrior-like tendencies have come from watching altogether too many anime TV programs, but Phil stands above such nonsense and professes that his honor, courage, and skill come from his soul, which holds the reincarnated spirit of a great samurai master.


As a strictly religious girl raised by an upper-class family, Kayla often wonders exactly what God’s plan was when he placed her in the continuous company of four D&D geeks. But, being an honest, God-fearing girl, Kayla trusts that Jesus knew exactly what he was doing, even though she hasn‘t the slightest clue in hell. Pure of heart, and kind in spirit, Kayla is a highly intelligent, religiously-biased individual. Having achieved perfect grades in all her classes in high school, and being an important member of her church group, Kayla cannot help but feel morally and intellectually superior to her four socially-challenged friends. Naturally, Kayla and Greg don’t quite see eye-to-eye on most things, but, the arguments the two share seem to somehow resonate between them in a peculiar way…Though that could just be residual psychic energy from the two hurling javelins at one another from inside their respective heads.

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